What do you do when you see your husband staggering in the back yard?
Shoot him again.
What is the flattest surface you can iron your jeans on?
A white chick's ass.
Why does a blonde have two more brain cells than a horse?
So she won't shit on the street during the parade.
My wife saw a Craigslist ad where a guy was offering to swap his wife for a season ticket to the stadium. She looked at me and asked: "Would you swap me for a season ticket?"
"Absolutely not," I told her. "The season's more than half over!"
And that's when the fight started...
