What does tightrope walking and getting a blowjob from an old woman have in common?
You don't look down.
Cop stops a young prostitute on the street & asks: "What would your mother say if she saw you out hooking?"
"She'd be pissed as hell... this is her corner!"
It was dad's turn to take his 10-year old daughter for a haircut... so he took her to his favorite barber.
While she was sitting in the chair with her lollipop the barber walked up and warned, "You're going to get hair on your lollipop."
The little girl nodded and said, "Uh, huh. And I'm gonna get tits, too."
What makes a man think about a dinner by candlelight?
A power failure.