What does tightrope walking and getting a blowjob from an old woman have in common?
You don't look down.
What's the difference between light and hard?
You can fall asleep with a light on.
My wife caught me measuring my dick and snickered: "So how long is it?"
I told her: "Long enough to reach the back of your sister's throat!"
And that's when the fight started...
What is a man's view of safe sex?
A padded headboard.