What does tightrope walking and getting a blowjob from an old woman have in common?
You don't look down.
We were getting ready in the bathroom together when my wife started putting her deodorant on. Thinking she was being cute she asked: "What's strong enough for a man but made for a woman?"
I told her: "The back of my hand."
And that's when the fight started...
What's the difference between a penis and a bonus?
Your wife will always blow your bonus!
My wife cheats when we play board games. Last night I'm playing Monopoly with the kids and she was in the garage bangin' the landscaper.