I Came All Over That Place

Last night, I finally realized a longtime fantasy... I came all over my girlfriend's face.

Man, was she pissed when she woke up.

A stockbroker calls a client and says, "Sam, I have good news and bad news."

Sam says, "Tell me the bad news first."

The stockbroker says, "I lost all of your money."

Sam says, "What's the good news?"

The stockbroker says, "I got laid last night."

A man goes to a $10 hooker and gets the crabs.

When he goes back to complain, the hooker laughs and says, "What do you expect for $10 -- lobster?"

What doesn't belong in this list: Meat, Eggs, Wife, Blowjob?

Blowjob. You can beat your meat, eggs or your wife, but you can't beat a blowjob.