A Mormon was seated next to an Irishman on a flight from London. After takeoff the stewardess came to take the drink orders. The Irishman asked for a whiskey. When she asked the Mormon if he'd like a drink he replied in disgust, "I'd rather be raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips."
The Irishman grabs the stewardess by the arm and says, "Instead of the whiskey, can I have what he's having. I didn't know I had a choice!"
Guy walks in to a bar and orders a beer. Bartender says that'll be five bucks.
The guy is outraged. "Five bucks?" he says, "Why down the street the bar only charges a buck. And with every drink you get a lottery ticket to win free sex in the back."
The bartender looks at him and asks: "Did you ever win?" The guy says: "No... but my wife won three times."
