Don't Drink And Drive

Dick's Advice: Best way to avoid an alcohol-related accident? Get so fucked up you can't find your car.

Studies have been done to determine what pleases a woman. Turns out it takes only 3.4 inches to please a woman.

Doesn't matter if its Visa or MasterCard

A woman's in labor. She's got her feet up in the stirrups, screaming in pain and cursing her husband.

He turns and says, "Hey, don't blame me. I wanted to stick it in your ass, but you said, 'No, that'll hurt.' "

What do you call two lesbians in a closet?

A liqour cabinet.