Don't Drink And Drive

: Created: 27 March 2017; Hits: 1964

Dick's Advice: Best way to avoid an alcohol-related accident? Get so fucked up you can't find your car.

Don't Miss These Jokes!

What's That In Your Pants

My wife thought she would come on real sexy to distract me from the game. So she asked: "Honey, What do you have in your pants that's gonna wind up in my face?"

I looked up and said: "Wrinkles."

And that's when the fight started...

Come Before the Judge

What do you get when you sleep with a judge?

An honorable discharge.

No Guarantees in the After Life

My wife and I were having a discussion about heaven. I told her she shouldn't worry 'cause she'll never get there. She asked: "How can you say that?"

I told her: "Because dragons never fly above 8,000 feet."

And that's when the fight started...