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Don't Drink And Drive

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Dick's Advice: Best way to avoid an alcohol-related accident? Get so fucked up you can't find your car.

Don't Miss These Jokes!

A Lucky Valentines Day

Last year, on Valentine's Day, my fiancée of five years bought me a lottery ticket and I won $10 Million!!

I wonder what she's doing nowadays?

Make A Wish

Little Johnny's parents got divorced. One night Little Johnny walked past his mother's bedroom, the door was open, and he sees his mother lying on her back playing with herself, saying "I need a man... I need a man..."

A few nights later he walks past her bedroom again, the door's open, and he sees his mother with a man on top of her.

Little Johnny runs to his room, jumps on his bed, pulls down his pants and starts playing with himself, saying, "I need a bike... I need a bike... "

We're On The Air

A cute young blonde goes to a radio station late one night and kocks on the door. The all-night D.J. lets her in and chats to her between songs. Pretty soon he starts getting really horny. Finally, he can't stand it any more. So he rolls his chair over in front of her, stands on it, takes out his dick and sticks it right in her face. He looks down at her and says, "You know what to do!"

She looks up at him and says, "I-I think so." He says, "Then go ahead."

She grabs it and screams into it, "I just want to say hello to Terry and Holly and the whole gang at Matt's Grill."