Don't Drink And Drive

Dick's Advice: Best way to avoid an alcohol-related accident? Get so fucked up you can't find your car.

Life is like a dick. Simple soft straight relaxed & hanging free.

Then a woman comes along & makes it hard.

The blonde said: "I want French fries and a diet Coke."

The librarian looked at her and snapped: "This is a library!"

So the blonde leaned in and whispered: "Sorry ... I want French Fries and a diet Coke."

What’s the difference between a rabbi and a priest?

A rabbi cuts them off; A priest sucks them off.