Don't Drink And Drive

Dick's Advice: Best way to avoid an alcohol-related accident? Get so fucked up you can't find your car.

I spent 5 thousand bucks on a boob job for the wife and she was thrilled. So I go another 2 grand on her nose job and she's ecstatic.

But I spend 50 bucks on a blow job and she goes ballistic. Fucking women.

The average vagina 8" deep, the average penis 5 1/2" long. Do the math. In New York City alone there's 165 miles of unused pussy.

How do you know when you are getting old?

When you start having dry dreams and wet farts.