Three words to ruin a man's ego...
"Is it in?"
(Not that Ol' Dick Johnson has ever heard that or anything like it!)
What's the definition of a lady?
Someone who doesn't drink or smoke, and the only time she curses is when your dick slips out.
How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it to the couch.
A married couple has sex and it's a real quickie.
The wife cries because it's over.
And the husband smiles because it happened.