How do you stop a dog from humping your leg?
Pick him up and suck on his dick!
How does one explain the miracle of Hanukkah to todays generation?
Tell them that it's like if they charged their smartphone to last for 1 day, but it ended up lasting 8 days!
A middle-aged guy goes to the proctologist for his yearly checkup. He strips down, and the doctor tells him to bend over.
The doctor puts his middle finger all the way up the guy's ass and says, "Is that uncomfortable?"
The guy says, "Not as long as I don't feel both of your hands on my back."
So I went to the doctor for a physical and he told me I should stop jerking off. I asked him why should I stop?
He told me: "Because you're at a physical."
