All Sinners Must Come And Confess

: Created: 25 August 2015; Hits: 2568

What's the difference between sin and shame?

It's a sin to put it in, but it's a shame to pull it out.

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Do What The Doctor Tells You

A woman who was beaten black and blue, goes to the doctor. The doc asks: "What happened?" She tells him: "I don’t know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunk, he beats me to a pulp."

The doctor says: "I have the perfect solution for you. Whenever your husband comes home in that state, just grab a glass of iced tea and start gargling with it. Just gargle and gargle."

Two weeks later she returns and looks reborn and fresh again. "Doc," she says, "That was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband came home drunk, I gargled with the tea. I gargled and gargled and nothing happened."

The doctor smiled knowingly. "You see how keeping your mouth shut helps!"

Witness For The Prosecution

Returning from a business trip a day early a guy tells his cab driver: "Cabbie, I think my wife's cheating on me. If I give you a hundred bucks, will you come in and be my witness?" The cabbie says, "Sure, pal."

It's after midnight when they enter the house. The husband grabs his gun from the front closet and he and the cabbie tip-toe up the stairs. The husband pushes the bedroom door open, flips on the light and pulls back the blanket. Sure enough he sees his wife and a stranger lying there totally naked.

The husband puts the gun to the naked guy's head when his wife screams: "Stop! Don't do it. I'll confess. I lied to you when I told you I had inherited some money. It was Larry who paid for that red Corvette I gave you. It was Larry who paid for your new bass boat as well, And it was Larry who paid for our country club membership. Larry even pays the monthly club dues and greens fees."

The husband lowers the gun and looks at the cabbie. "What would you do?" he asks.

The cabbie says, "I'd cover Larry's ass with that blanket before he catches cold."

A Change For The Worse

My wife was telling me all about this new transgender thing... you know, where guys turn themselves into women. I said to her: "Yeah. Well that ain't nothin' You know how to turn a fox into an elephant?"

She said: "How?" I told her: "Marry it."

And that's when the fight started...