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Never Stopped Talking

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A guy says to his friend, “I haven’t spoken to my wife in 18 months.”

The friend asks, “Why not?”

The guy tells him, “I don’t like to interrupt her.”

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Come This Way

A girl says to a salesman, "I need some batteries for my vibrator."

He motions with his finger, "Come this way..."

She says, "If I could come that way I wouldn't need a fucking vibrator."

Love Those Easter Eggs

Why does the Easter Bunny hide Easter eggs?

He doesn't want anyone knowing he's been fucking the chickens!

Where Else?

Two old folks were flirting at a senior's singles mingle. After a few drinks, the old man asks the old woman, "If I took you out for a romantic night of wining, dining and dancing, what would you wear?"

The old woman replied shyly, "Depends... ."

"Depends on what?" he asked. "On my ass -- where else?!"