How is pubic hair like parsley?
You push it to the side before you start eating.
What would you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a box with his arms and legs?
Kit.
I told my buddy: "I got caught jerking off to a National Geographic magazine."
Asks: "Were you embarrassed?"
"No, but my dentist's receptionist was."
When we first started dating I wanted to show my girfriend I was serious. So I changed my Facebook status to "in a relationship."
When I told her she said: "It should've been changd to 'under new management!'"
And that's when the fight started...
