How can you tell if a chick is too fat to screw?
You pull her pants down and her ass is still in 'em.
A kid walks in and catches his mom sucking on his father's dick.
He says, "Hey, are you guys making a baby?"
Mom lifts her head up and says, "No sweetie... we're making jewelry."
Why aren't federal government employees allowed to look out the window in the morning?
Because then they would have nothing to do in the afternoon.
I told my buddy: "I got caught jerking off to a National Geographic magazine."
Asks: "Were you embarrassed?"
"No, but my dentist's receptionist was."
