How can you tell if a chick is too fat to screw?
You pull her pants down and her ass is still in 'em.
Why is a woman like the lunch special at Kentucky Fried Chicken?
By the time you’re finished with the breast and thighs, all you have left is the greasy box to put your bone in.
Why does a bride smile as she walks down the aisle?
Because she knows she's given her last blowjob.
My wife caught me measuring my dick and snickered: "So how long is it?"
I told her: "Long enough to reach the back of your sister's throat!"
And that's when the fight started...
