My Drug Dealer Sells The Best "Crack"

What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?

A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.

Cop pulls a guy over at 3am: "Where you going at this hour?"

Guy says: "To a lecture on alcohol abuse, its effect on the human body. And the dangers of smoking & staying out late."

"Really? Who's giving that lecture at this time of night?"

"My wife."

My wife cheats when we play board games. Last night I'm playing Monopoly with the kids and she was in the garage bangin' the landscaper.

Why did the woman leave her husband after he spent all their money on a penis enlarger?

She just couldn’t take it any longer.