A laugh a day. It's not hard. Seriously.

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Treat Her Right

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The other day my wife asked me to talk to her like she was special.

So I said, "Gooooo ... maaaaake ... meeeee ... aaaaa ... cuuuuup ... offfff ... coffeeeee"

And that's when the fight started...

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Kung Pao Chicken

Chinese couple in bed: Husband says, "I want a 69."

Wife says, "Why you want beef & broccoli now?"

The New Pet

A guy is just miserable.  So he decides to cheer himself up and get a pet. At the pet store the owner takes him in to the back and shows him a toothless hamster.

The guy looks at it and says: "That's the ugliest thing I ever saw."

The store owner says: "Maybe so, but it will give you the best blowjob you ever had."

So the guy tries it and it's fantastic. He buys the hamster and heads home.

When he gets there his wife sees the ugly little creature and says: "What the hell is that?"

The guy says: "Never mind. Just teach it to cook and then get the fuck out."

Switcheroo

A man went into a local bar and took a seat next to a pretty woman. He turned to her and said, "This is a special day, I’m celebrating." "What a coincidence," said the woman, "I’m celebrating, too". She clinked glasses with him and asked, "What are you celebrating?" "I’m a chicken farmer," he replied. "For years all my hens were infertile, but today they’re finally fertile." "What a coincidence" the woman said. "My husband and I have been trying to have a child for years. Today, my gynecologist told me I’m finally pregnant!" And she clinked glasses with the farmer again.

"By the way" she asked, "How did your chickens become fertile?" "I switched cocks," the farmer replied.

To which the woman smiled and said, "What a coincidence."