If you force a prostitute to screw you, is it rape or shoplifting?
You choose.
After dinner last night my wife looked at me with those eyes of hers and sweetly asked: "Honey, is it OK if we change positions tonight?" "Sure" I replied.
"Great" She said, "You do the dishes and I'll go sit on the couch and fart!"
And that's when the fight started...
What's the difference between light and hard?
You can fall asleep with a light on.
A woman visits the doctor, with bumps and bruises all over her body. She complains that it was her husband who beat her.
The doctor is surprised: "I thought your husband was out of town."
"So did I..."
