A fire chief just got married. On their honeymoon he informed his new wife that their home would be run like a firehouse... they would have sex on the bell system.
He proceeded to explain that One Bell meant take your clothes off... Two Bells meant get into bed... and Three Bells meant start fooling around.
The chief came home from work one evening and decided to try out his system. First he hollered ‘One Bell’ and his wife took off her clothes. Then he hollered ‘Two Bells’ and she got into bed. Finally he hollered ‘Three Bells’ and they started fooling around like crazy.
A few minutes later the wife yells "Four Bells." "Four Bells?" the chief asks, "What the hell is Four Bells?"
"Let out more hose, You're nowhere near the fire!"
One day a horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow when the horse falls into a mudhole and begins sinking. He calls to the chicken to go get the farmer to pull him out. The chicken runs back to the farm but the farmer is nowhere to be seen. So thinking fast the chicken jumps in the farmer's Porsche and drives back to the mudhole. He ties a rope around the bumper then throws the other end to his friend, the horse. Driving the car forward he saves his friend from sinking!
A few days later, the chicken and horse were playing in the meadow again, only this time it's the chicken who falls into the mudhole. The chicken yells to the horse to go get the farmer for help. The horse says, "Wait a minute. I think I can stand over the hole!" So he stretches himself over the width of the hole and says, "Grab my dick and hoist yourself up." And the chicken does excatly that and is able to pull himself to safety.
The moral of the story: If you're hung like a horse, you don't need a Porsche to pick up chicks!
