Here Pussy, Pussy, Pussy...

The teacher asked Little Johnny, "Why is your cat at school today Johnny?"

Johnny replied crying, "Because I heard my daddy tell my mommy, 'I am going to eat that pussy once Johnny leaves for school!'"

My dick is so big, I entered it in a big-dick contest and it came in first, second and third.

What would happen if the Pilgrims had killed cats instead of turkeys?

We'd eat pussy every Thanksgiving.

What... you didn't see that coming?

Why aren't federal government employees allowed to look out the window in the morning?

Because then they would have nothing to do in the afternoon.