Do What Mama Says

His date warned him: "My mama made me promise I'd say 'NO' to all your advances."

He says: "Sure, no problem. You wouldn't mind if I fucked you in the ass, would ya?"

How do you know when your cat's done cleaning himself?

He's smoking a cigarette.

My wife and I were sitting at breakfast having bacon and eggs. I told her: Darling, you're just like bacon... you look, smell and taste fantastic!"

Thanks she said... before I added: "And your both killing me slowly."

And that's when the fight started...

I told my pal: "I got a brand new digital hearing aid, $10,000!" "What kind is it?" he asked.

"Six-thirty."