A Night On The Town

: Created: 13 March 2015; Hits: 2512

After a night of drinking, drugs and wild sex, I woke up to find myself next to a really ugly woman.

That's when I realized I made it home safely.

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Boring!

The other night, my wife asked me how many women I'd slept with.

I told her, "Only you. All the others kept me up all night!"

And that's when the fight started...

Don't Lie To Me!

A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day, they headed to her house for an afternoon of fun. Exhausted after screwin' around, they fell asleep and didn't wake up until 8pm.

As the man threw on his clothes, he told his mistress to take his shoes outside and rub them in the grass and dirt. Mystified, she did as he said and when she came back in he slipped them on and raced home.

At the front door his wife confronted him. "Where have you been?" she demanded. "Darling," he replied, "I cannot tell a lie. I've been having an affair with my secretary. We fell asleep in her bed and didn't wake up until eight o'clock."

The wife looked down at his shoes and shouted, "Liar! You've been playing golf!"

Bachelor Lifestyle

What is the difference between a bachelor and a married man?

Bachelor comes home, sees what's in the refrigerator, goes to bed. Married man comes home, sees what's in the bed, and goes to the refrigerator.