A Night On The Town

After a night of drinking, drugs and wild sex, I woke up to find myself next to a really ugly woman.

That's when I realized I made it home safely.

A guy goes in to see an optometrist.

The doctor says, "You have to stop masturbating."

The guy says, "Why? Am I going blind?"

The doctor says, "No, you're upsetting the other patients in the waiting room."

You should never make jokes about vaginas...

Period.

Did you hear about the girl who had three chances to get pregnant?

Blew 'em all.