Going Downtown

: Created: 17 December 2015; Hits: 2299

When do you know you've been married too long?

The only reason you go down on it is because it doesn't talk back.

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After I'm Gone

I was talking to my wife about what might happen after I died. I told her: Promise me one thing... that 6 months after I die you'll marry Bernie." She said: "I thought you hated Bernie."

"I do"

And that's when the fight started...

You're Never Too Old

Two old ladies are sitting on the front porch, doing nothing. One turns to the other and asks, "Do you still get horny?"

Her friend replies, "Oh sure I do." So the first old lady asks, "What do you do about it?" The second one answers: "I suck a lifesaver."

After a few moments, the first old lady asks, "Who drives you to the beach?"

He Takes The Crown

Who's the world's greatest athlete?

The guy who finishes first and third in a masturbation contest.