What do you call an Amish guy with his hand up a horse's ass?
A Mechanic.
Women fake orgasms to have relationships
Men fake relationships to have orgasms.
Your wife & your lawyer are drowning, so you have to choose. What do you do: go to lunch or catch a movie?
A bum walks up to a well-dressed woman shopping on Rodeo Drive and says: "I haven't eaten anything in four days!"
She looks back at him and says: "God I wish I had your will power."
