Tough To Find Good Help

Maid: "I want a raise. I fuck better than you."

Wife: "My husband said that?"

"No, all the landscapers."

A brunette tells her blonde sister "Last night I slept with a Brazilian."

The blonde sister replies "I thought I was the slut! How many is a Brazilian?"

It was our anniversary and I asked my wife if she remembered out wedding vows when the minister said "for better or worse?"

She said: "Yeah... You couldn't do any better and I couldn't do any worse."

And that's when the fight started...

Guy to his friend: "I’m getting married. I’m tired of a messy apartment, dirty dishes & no clothes to wear."

Friend tells him: "I’m getting divorced for the same reasons."