Tough To Find Good Help

Maid: "I want a raise. I fuck better than you."

Wife: "My husband said that?"

"No, all the landscapers."

A guy asks his grandma, "Have you seen some pills around here? They are labeled LSD?"

His grandma replies, "Fuck your pills, there's a dragon in the kitchen!"

You know why every woman doesn't go to heaven?

If they all went, it would be hell.

It was our anniversary and I asked my wife if she remembered out wedding vows when the minister said "for better or worse?"

She said: "Yeah... You couldn't do any better and I couldn't do any worse."

And that's when the fight started...