Ladies and Gentleman We Have A Winner

My dick is so big, I entered it in a big-dick contest and it came in first, second and third.

What do you call a woman who can suck a lemon through a 40-foot garden hose.

Darling.

You didn't know old Dick Johnson is a bit of a poet, did you. Yep! My dick is a Longfellow.

My wife suggested we go to a marriage counselor to work on our relationship. I said sure. We get there and the therapist asks me to tell how I felt.

I said: "I knew right from the beginning our marriage wouldn't work. I'm an Aquarius and she's a cunt."

And that's when the fight started...