Ladies and Gentleman We Have A Winner

My dick is so big, I entered it in a big-dick contest and it came in first, second and third.

Judge Calloway's court docket was too full.

So he knocked the sodomy charge down to "following too close."

My wife and I were having a discussion about heaven. I told her she shouldn't worry 'cause she'll never get there. She asked: "How can you say that?"

I told her: "Because dragons never fly above 8,000 feet."

And that's when the fight started...

How do you make your girlfriend scream while having sex?

Call her and tell her.