You Learn Something New Everyday

I was scewing my wife when suddenly I stopped and didn't move. She asked: "What are you doing?"

I told her: "I saw this online on a porn site. It's called buffering"

And that's when the fight started...

If a guy and a girl need a marriage license what do lesbians need?

A liquor license.

Old guy calls a plumber. "There's a leak over my kitchen table."

The plumber asks him "When did you first notice it?"

"After it took me two hours to finish my soup last night."

I used to get a hard-on just watching my wife eat a banana.

Now I only get a hard-on if she's choking on it.