Why is Christmas just like a day at the office?
You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit!
What's the difference between a husand and a wife?
Wives want to videotape the birth of their child. Husbands want to videotape the conception.
I wish I had parents like Dora.
They let that little bitch go everywhere.
I know I've been married too long. Last week I went to the doctor. He asked: "Have you had sex in the last seven days?" And I said: "No, my birthday's in April."