Why is Christmas just like a day at the office?
You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit!
Two rednecks are out fishing. The first one asks: "If I go to your house and fuck your wife and get her pregnant and she has a kid, would that make us kinfolk?"
The friend says: "Nope. That'd make us about even."
The difference between a slut & a bitch? A slut will screw anyone. A bitch will screw anyone but you.
An accordion player and a banjo player are hired to play together on New Year's Eve.
At the end of the party, the guy who hired them says, "You guys were great. You want to play for me again next New Year's Eve?"
The banjo player says, "Sure. Can we leave our stuff?"