The Most Important Meal Of The Day

My wife and I were sitting at breakfast having bacon and eggs. I told her: Darling, you're just like bacon... you look, smell and taste fantastic!"

Thanks she said... before I added: "And your both killing me slowly."

And that's when the fight started...

Cop at door "Looks like your wife's been hit by a bus"

"Yeah but she's a nice person & good with the kids"

A drunk wakes up in a cemetery in a freshly-dug grave. He thinks: If I'm alive, why's there a tombstone? If I'm dead, why do I have to piss?

My wife and I were discussing the differences between men and women. She asked: "So what do you think the biggest difference is?"

I told her: "What comes to mind when I say I'd like to give you a facial!"

And that's when the fight started...