My wife told me I should be more affectionate.
So I told her I got a girlfriend.
And that's when the fight started...
Nacho comes before a judge. The judge asks: "Why're you here?" Nacho tells him: "I'm accused of starting my Xmas shopping early."
The judge says, "That's not a crime. How early did you start?"
Nacho says, "Before the store opened."
What do you call a virgin on a water bed?
A cherry float.
What's more profitable, a 1-story whore house or a 2-story whore house?
A 1-story... no fucking overhead.