Women Are Emotional

My wife told me I should be more affectionate.

So I told her I got a girlfriend.

And that's when the fight started...

Nacho comes before a judge. The judge asks: "Why're you here?" Nacho tells him: "I'm accused of starting my Xmas shopping early."

The judge says, "That's not a crime. How early did you start?"

Nacho says, "Before the store opened."

What do you call a virgin on a water bed?

A cherry float.

What's more profitable, a 1-story whore house or a 2-story whore house?

A 1-story... no fucking overhead.