My wife told me I should be more affectionate.
So I told her I got a girlfriend.
And that's when the fight started...
Why does it take longer to build a blonde snowman?
Because you have to hollow out the head.
My dick is so big, I entered it in a big-dick contest and it came in first, second and third.
Two Syrian hookers were talking about their problems. One said: "With the Russians jumping into this war we've got soldiers lined up around the block. I need a break!"
Her girlfriend agreed: "Yeah... I think we need to declare a no fly zone."