Women Are Emotional

My wife told me I should be more affectionate.

So I told her I got a girlfriend.

And that's when the fight started...

What does a Rubik's Cube and a dick have in common?

The more you play with it the harder it gets.

A guy goes in to see an optometrist.

The doctor says, "You have to stop masturbating."

The guy says, "Why? Am I going blind?"

The doctor says, "No, you're upsetting the other patients in the waiting room."

If a guy and a girl need a marriage license what do lesbians need?

A liquor license.