How's an old lady's twat like Australia?
Everybody knows it's down there but nobody really gives a shit.
How are women like hardwood floors?
You lay them right the first time and you can walk all over them for the next 20 years.
The bell rings at a whorehouse.
The madam answers the door and finds a guy with no arms and no legs. She looks at him and says: "What'ya think you're gonna do in here?"
He says: "Hey... I rang the bell, didn't I?"
I told my wife I was so pleased she treated me like a God. She looked at me and asked, "What do you mean?"
I told her, "Every evening at dinner you give me a burnt offering."
And that's when the fight started...
