The House Dictates the Policy

How many men does it take to open a beer?

None. It should be opened by the time she brings it to the couch.

A Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers, and says, “Five beers, please”.

What's the difference between a conservative and a liberal?

A conservative is a liberal who's been mugged.

My wife suggested: "Let’s go out and have some fun tonight!"

So I told her: "Sure... but if you get home before I do, leave the hall light on."

And that's when the fight started...