The House Dictates the Policy

How many men does it take to open a beer?

None. It should be opened by the time she brings it to the couch.

Why is Christmas just like a day at the office?

You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit!

Here's Dick Johnson's secret to a happy marriage.

Two times a week, my wife and I go to a nice restaurant and have a little wine and good food.

She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.

Wife: "Will you love me when I'm old and fat?"

Husband: "I do."

And that's when the fight started...