The House Dictates the Policy

How many men does it take to open a beer?

None. It should be opened by the time she brings it to the couch.

The only thing wrong with sex on television is that you could fall off.

Wife gets naked and asks hubby, "What turns you on more, my pretty face or my sexy body?"

Hubby looks her up and down and replies, "Your sense of humor!"

And that's when the fight started...

A lawyer asks his partner, "Are you fucking the new secretary?"

The partner tells him, "No."

So the first lawyer says, "Great! Then you fire her."