The House Dictates the Policy

How many men does it take to open a beer?

None. It should be opened by the time she brings it to the couch.

A girl says to a salesman, "I need some batteries for my vibrator."

He motions with his finger, "Come this way..."

She says, "If I could come that way I wouldn't need a fucking vibrator."

A midget whips out his two-foot dick.

The whore he's with says, "Oh, no, you ain't putting that thing in me. I'll kiss it."

"Fuck you" he tells her. "I can do that myself."

What do lesbians cook for dinner?

They don't cook... they eat out.