What do you call a black man who flies a plane?
A pilot you racist bastard.
What's the difference between zebras and female Marines?
Zebras don't have to suck anybody's dick to get their stripes.
What's the difference between your wife and your job?
After two years, the job still sucks.
My wife and I were lying in bed last night. She gently leaned over and whispered: "I'm going to make you the happiest man in the world."
So I leaned over and whispered back: "I'm going to miss you."
And that's when the fight started...