It's Been Said

It's been said if you bend over & put your ear to someone's leg you can hear "What the fuck are you doing?"

How do you get your wife to stop sucking her thumb?

Draw a dick on it.

A man calls his wife into the bedroom. "I want to show you the new watch I got today."

She walks in and finds him with his pants down. "That's not a watch!" she says.

"It will be once you put two hands and a face on it."

I just joined a brand new 13-step treatment program. I'm still on step 1 - becoming an alcoholic.