A 100-year-old man enters a Catholic confessional and admits "Father, last night I had sex with a couple of 18-year-old girls and it lasted for hours."
The priest sternly replies "That is a sin, I'm going to give you a penance."
The old man laughs "That won't be necessary father, I'm Jewish."
The father, confused, asks "Why are you telling me this?"
One Friday afternoon two women are sitting on the front porch. The first woman says, "Here comes my husband with a bunch of flowers. That means I'll be on my back with my legs in the air all weekend."
The other woman asks, "Why, don't you have a vase?"