How can you tell when your girlfriend's getting really fat?
You start asking your wife for sex.
A Jew, a Catholic and a Mormon were having drinks at the bar after an interfaith convention.
The Jew, bragging about his virility said, "I have four sons, one more and I’ll have a basketball team!"
The Catholic pooh-poohed this accomplishment, stating, "That’s nothing, I have 10 sons, one more and I’ll have a football team."
To which the Mormon replied, "You guys don't have a clue. I have 17 wives, one more and I’ll have a golf course!"
What's the difference between a wife and the trash can sittin' in your garage?
You at least take the trash out once a week.
What should you do if your clothes are on fire?
Don't put 'em on.
