A laugh a day. It's not hard. Seriously.

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The Parade Route Is Safe

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Why does a blonde have two more brain cells than a horse?

So she won't shit on the street during the parade.

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Sign Of The Times

2 reasons I know I'm getting old. My memory's not as sharp as it once was & my memory's not so good anymore.

No Advice Needed

Little Johnny was on a park bench stuffing all of his Halloween candy in his mouth. An old lady walked up, saying: "Son, don't you know that eating all of that candy will rot your teeth, give you acne, and make you sick?"

"My grandfather lived to be 105 years old!" replied Johnny.

"Did he eat five candy bars at a sitting?" the old lady retorted.

"No," said Johnny, "but he minded his own freakin' business."

Home Cookin'

My wife asked: "How was dinner?"

I told her: "It was fit for a king! Here King.... here boy..."

And that's when the fight started...