Better rethink this one

Old Dick Johnson sometimes has to re-think relationships.

Right now I think I'm spending way too much time with my girlfriend's family... I think her husband is getting suspicious.

After a night of drinking, drugs and wild sex, I woke up to find myself next to a really ugly woman.

That's when I realized I made it home safely.

What's the best thing about dating homeless chicks?

You can drop them off anywhere.

What's the best thing about duct tape?

It turns, "No! No!," into "Mmm! Mmm!"