What's better than being a historic pioneer of women's rights?
Being a man.
What do you call a teenager who doesn't masturbate?
A liar.
What do you call a hooker with a runny nose?
Full.
I woke up this morning with a text that seemed to have been sent to me by accident. It read,
"Hi... be home soon. Love ya, Dave xxx"
Being Valentine's Day I thought I'd have a bit of fun so I texted the guy back:
"Don't bother, I don't love you. You're a son of a bitch and I've been banging your brother."
I couldn't wait for the reply, then it came:
"You OK mom?"
