I'm trying to write a joke about unemployed people.
It needs more work.
I took my wife to a restaurant, and the waiter, for some reason, took my order first. "I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?" "Nah" I told him, "she can order for herself."
And that's when the fight started...
What's the difference between a pickpocket and a Peeping Tom? A pickpocket snatches watches.
Easy, inexpensive way to get rid of weeds: Put 2 cups of Epsom salt and a 1/4 cup of dish soap in a gallon of vinegar. Shake well.
Then tell your family you're going to mix it in their food if they don't get off their lazy asses and go outside and yank up the goddamned crabgrass.
