You know why every woman doesn't go to heaven?
If they all went, it would be hell.
A drunk wakes up in a cemetery in a freshly-dug grave. He thinks: If I'm alive, why's there a tombstone? If I'm dead, why do I have to piss?
How did Dairy Queen get pregnant?
Burger King forgot to wrap his whopper.
A cop pulls a guy over and says, "Hey pal... did you know your wife fell out a few blocks back?"
"Thank God... I thought I went deaf."
