You know why every woman doesn't go to heaven?
If they all went, it would be hell.
An inventor walks into the Patent Office office and says to the girl behind the desk, "I'd like to register my new invention, a folding bottle."
The clerk asks. "What do you call it?" He tells her, "I call it a fottle." She says, "That's kind of silly, but OK we can set you up."
He says, "Thanks, I'll work on the name. Hey, I also have a folding carton too."
She says, "Really? And what do you call that?" He says, "A farton."
She says in disgust, "That's totally offensive. You can't use that name."
He says, "Uh-oh! I guess I'll have to scratch the one I was going to use for my folding bucket."
Cop pulls a guy over at 3am: "Where you going at this hour?"
Guy says: "To a lecture on alcohol abuse, its effect on the human body. And the dangers of smoking & staying out late."
"Really? Who's giving that lecture at this time of night?"
"My wife."
What did one tampon say to the other?
Nothing. They were both stuck up bitches.
