Did you hear about the junkie that was addicted to brake fluid?
He said he could stop anytime.
It was our anniversary and I asked my wife if she remembered out wedding vows when the minister said "for better or worse?"
She said: "Yeah... You couldn't do any better and I couldn't do any worse."
And that's when the fight started...
The night before her wedding, the bride-to-be talked with her mother. "Mom," she said, "I want you to teach me how to make my new husband happy."
The mother took a deep breath and began, "When two people love, honor, and respect each other, love can be a very beautiful thing..."
"I know how to fuck him, mom," the daughter interrupted. "I want you to teach me how to make a great lasagna."
After dinner last night my wife looked at me with those eyes of hers and sweetly asked: "Honey, is it OK if we change positions tonight?" "Sure" I replied.
"Great" She said, "You do the dishes and I'll go sit on the couch and fart!"
