Rest In Peace

Why were there only two pallbearers at the homeless guy's funeral?

There are only two handles on a garbage can.

The masochist begs: "Beat me, beat me."

The sadist smiles and says: "Nooooo!"

What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?

After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

The most common superstition in the world today? Belief in your hororscope. There's even a name for people who have that superstition.

They're called "single women."