No Luck Here

The difference between buying a lottery ticket and fighting with your wife?

You have a chance at winning the lottery.

How can you tell if a chick is too fat to screw?

You pull her pants down and her ass is still in 'em.

Why'd the bride slide down the bannister on her honeymoon?

To warm up her husband's dinner.

Gallery owner: "Guy came in bought all your paintings."

Artist: "Great."

"Not really, he was your doctor."