No Luck Here

The difference between buying a lottery ticket and fighting with your wife?

You have a chance at winning the lottery.

Why doesn't Santa have any children?

Because he only comes once a year, and when he does, it's down the chimney.

On our honeymoon night I asked my bride, "Honey... am I the first?"

She replied, "Why does everybody ask that?"

And that's when the fight started...

What's the difference between a tire and 365 condoms?

One's a Goodyear and the other is a fucking good year.