The difference between buying a lottery ticket and fighting with your wife?
You have a chance at winning the lottery.
I woke up this morning with a text that seemed to have been sent to me by accident. It read,
"Hi... be home soon. Love ya, Dave xxx"
Being Valentine's Day I thought I'd have a bit of fun so I texted the guy back:
"Don't bother, I don't love you. You're a son of a bitch and I've been banging your brother."
I couldn't wait for the reply, then it came:
"You OK mom?"
I've got a new hobby -- collecting empty bottles.
Sounds a lot better than "I'm an alcoholic."
How do you confuse a female archaeologist?
Give her a used tampon and ask her what period it's from.