No Luck Here

The difference between buying a lottery ticket and fighting with your wife?

You have a chance at winning the lottery.

How can you tell if you're at a gay barbecue?

The hot dogs taste like shit.

On our honeymoon night I asked my bride, "Honey... am I the first?"

She replied, "Why does everybody ask that?"

And that's when the fight started...

A female officer arrests a drunk. She warns him: "Anything you say can and will be held against you."

So he shouts back: "Tits"