No Luck Here

The difference between buying a lottery ticket and fighting with your wife?

You have a chance at winning the lottery.

Why doesn't Santa have any children?

Because he only comes once a year, and when he does, it's down the chimney.

How is pubic hair like parsley?

You push it to the side before you start eating.

I was visiting New York City recently and had to ask for directions. I went over to a random guy on the street and asked for his help.

Right away he told me, "Sure, head down 42nd street and take a left at the corner of get a map and fuck you!"

Gee, New Yorkers are so friendly...