Until I Met A Boy Who Had No Hands

What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas?

Gloves!

Just kidding, I don't know what he got, he hasn't opened it yet.

Lifehack: How do you find a needle in a haystack?

Easy... burn the fuckin' hay! Any more questions?

A man walks into the kitchen and finds his wife boiling eggs. She looks at him passionately, lays on the counter, and says, "Make love to me Randy!"

Not wanting to lose the chance he embraces her quickly and they make passionate love.

When they are finished he asks her, "What was that about?"

She replies, "The egg timer was broken."

What do you call two lesbians in a closet?

A liqour cabinet.