Until I Met A Boy Who Had No Hands

What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas?

Gloves!

Just kidding, I don't know what he got, he hasn't opened it yet.

My girlfriend caught me drying my dick with the hair dryer. She asked: "What are you doing?"

Apparently "Heating up your dinner." wasn't the right answer.

Sex is like a bank account.

First you put it in. Once you take it out you lose interest.

What do you get when you sleep with a judge?

An honorable discharge.