A guy walks into a whorehouse looking for some action. He goes up to the madame and asks,"Hey, can I get a piece from one of your fine ladies?"
"Sorry sir," the madame responds, "but, we're all full." "Aw, please." he begs, "I'm super horny and I really need some poontang!"
The madame thinks for a moment then answers, "Well, there is one girl left but when you go meet her you have to wear this black condom." "Whatever," the guy shrugs and runs upstairs.
A few hours later he comes back down and says, "Wow, that was great. She didn't even make any noise. But why did I have to wear the black condom?"
The madame answered, "Out of respect for the dead."
A farmer and his wife were lying in bed after a little quickie. The farmer stroked his wife's bare breasts and said, "Y'know, honey, if these gave milk, we could sell the cow."
Sighing, his wife grabbed her husband's dick and said: "And if this stayed hard a little longer, we could fire the farmhand."
