What do the aborigine call a boomerang that won't come back?
A stick.
"Forgive me, Father, I was fucking my wife and fantasized she was a nun."
"My son, sometimes when I fuck a nun I fantasize it's your wife."
Two old ladies are sitting on the park bench feeding the pigeons. Suddenly the first one says to her friend: "Did you just fart?"
Her friend answers: "Of course I did. You think I always smell like this?"
My wife came in complaining about me never lifting a finger around the house.
So I did - the middle one.
And that's when the fight started...