If you keep a baseball bat in your car, also keep a glove.
Your lawyer will thank you.
I ripped one watching the TV with my wife when she asked: "Why do men fart more than women?"
I told her: "'Cause women won't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure."
And that's when the fight started...
The other day my wife asked me to talk to her like she was special.
So I said, "Gooooo ... maaaaake ... meeeee ... aaaaa ... cuuuuup ... offfff ... coffeeeee"
Last Xmas Aunt Ellen hung herself.
As a traditional family, we didn't take her down until after New Year's.