If you keep a baseball bat in your car, also keep a glove.
Your lawyer will thank you.
If Gin makes you grin and Whiskey makes you frisky, what makes you pregnant?
Two highballs and a squirt.
The angry wife met her husband at the door. There was alcohol on his breath and lipstick on his collar. "I assume," she snarled, "that there is a very good reason for you to come waltzing in here at five o'clock in the morning?"
"There is," he replied. "Breakfast."
And that's when the fight started...
A female officer arrests a drunk. She warns him: "Anything you say can and will be held against you."
So he shouts back: "Tits"
