If you keep a baseball bat in your car, also keep a glove.
Your lawyer will thank you.
Two old ladies are sitting on the front porch, doing nothing. One turns to the other and asks, "Do you still get horny?"
Her friend replies, "Oh sure I do." So the first old lady asks, "What do you do about it?" The second one answers: "I suck a lifesaver."
After a few moments, the first old lady asks, "Who drives you to the beach?"
How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
Kick his sister in the jaw.
Peace comes at a price. If the whole world smoked a joint at the same time, there would be world peace for at least two hours. Followed by a global food shortage.
