This is an old one, and perhaps a bit over the top, but really funny!
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A baby polar bear goes to his mama and asks: "Am I a real polar bear?"
His mama assures him: "Of course you are. You're my son and we live in the north pole."
Then the baby bear goes to his father and asks: "Dad, am I a real polar bear?"
His dad tells him: "Yes you are son. You have big paws and you're white just like me. Why do you ask?"
"Cause I'm fuckin' freezing."
Johnson finds wife in bed with a friend, shoots him.
"Keep behaving like that you'll lose all your friends." she snaps at him.
And that's when the fight started...
What's the difference between a wife and a mistress?
Forty-five pounds.
