This is an old one, and perhaps a bit over the top, but really funny!
Your stock went down!
Two guys were in a bar. The first one said: "I can't break my wife of the habit of staying up until 5 in the morning."
"What is she doing?", his buddy asks.
"Waiting for me to get home."
My wife will buy anything marked down. Last year she bought an escalator.
(With thanks to the great Henny Youngman.)
Difference between a blonde and an ironing board?
An ironing board's legs are hard to open.
