A laugh a day. It's not hard. Seriously.

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Start Slow

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Guy walks into a bar and sees a dog lying in the corner licking its balls. The guy looks at the bartender and says: "Man I whish I could do that!"

The bartender tells him: "Better try petting him first!"

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Just One Question

So tell me... if a firefighter's business can go up in smoke, and a plumber's business can go down the drain... can a hooker get layed off? Just askin'!

Get In The Swing Of Things

The cops show up at the house. There's a guy lying on the floor in a pool of blood and a woman holding a bloody 5-iron. One of the cops says, "Is that your husband?" She says, "Yep." He says, "He's dead." She says, "Yep." He asks, "Did you hit him with the golf club?" She says, "Yep." He says, "How many times?"

She says, "I don't know. Four, five ... put me down for four."

How It Really Happened

An 80-year-old man was having his annual physical when his doctor asked him how he was feeling. "Doc," he bragged, I’ve never been better! I've got plenty of dough for retirement and I’ve got a 20-year-old bride who’s pregnant and having my baby! Pretty good, right?"

The doctor considered this for a moment, then said, "Let me tell you a story. I knew a guy who was an avid hunter. He never missed a season. But one day went out in a bit of a hurry, and he accidentally grabbed his umbrella instead of his gun." The doctor continued, "So there he was in the woods, when suddenly a grizzly bear appeared right in front of him! He raised up his umbrella, pointed it at the bear, and squeezed the handle. And do you know what happened?"

Dumbfounded, the old man replied "No." The doctor continued, "The bear dropped dead right there on the spot." "That’s impossible!" the old guy argued. "Someone else must have shot that bear."

"That’s exactly what I’m getting at..." replied the doctor.