Why'd the bride slide down the bannister on her honeymoon?
To warm up her husband's dinner.
Did you ever think what a horrible life a dick has? Think about it... his roommates are nuts, his neighbor is an asshole, his best friend is a pussy, and every night his owner strangles him with one hand until he throws up!
What is a man's view of safe sex?
A padded headboard.
What would you call a hooker with jizz all over her face?
Call her a cab ... her job is done.