Why'd the bride slide down the bannister on her honeymoon?
To warm up her husband's dinner.
The phone rings and Mrs. Johnson answers. A voice breathing heavily on the other end says, "I bet you have a tight asshole with no hair."
She replies, "Yeah, he's watching TV. Who should I say is calling?"
Why doesn't Smokey the Bear have any kids?
Because every time Mrs. Smokey gets hot, he covers her with dirt and beats her with a shovel.
Wife comes out of a beauty salon and asks husband: "So, how do I look?"
"Well, at least you tried..."
And that's when the fight started...
