Why do women wear black underwear?
They're in mourning for the stiff they buried the night before.
Girl texts: "If you're sleeping, send your dreams ... if you're laughing, send your smile."
Boyfriend texts back: "Taking a shit... Please advise."
What do you get when you sleep with a judge?
An honorable discharge.
How is a Jewish woman like a Thanksgiving turkey?
Her husband only gets to stuff her once a year.
