Who's the world's greatest athlete?
The guy who finishes first and third in a masturbation contest.
Why is a drunk at a massage parlor like a bumper sticker?
No matter how you pull it they're hard to get off.
What'd the Polish guy say when he came home and found his best friend on top of his wife?
Down, Fido, down boy!
How do you get your wife to stop sucking her thumb?
Draw a dick on it.
