Who's the world's greatest athlete?
The guy who finishes first and third in a masturbation contest.
A guy was organizing his cards for Valentine's Day and realized he made a huge mistake!
"For fucks sake, what a mess to sort out. I can't believe I've mixed their Valentine's Day cards up.
The girlfriend now thinks I love her and the wife thinks I want to fuck her."
What's the difference between a hooker and a mosquito?
The hooker sucks harder when you smack her.
What do a tornado and a redneck divorce have in common?
As soon as you see it coming you know someone is going to lose a trailer.