What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball?
Gagged!
Old guy says: "Doc, every morning at 7 I take a healthy piss, and then at 8 I take a big shit."
"So... what's the problem?"
"I don't get up until 9."
When I was 14, all I wanted was a girlfriend.
When I was 16, I got a girlfriend, but there was no passion. What I really wanted was a girl with a zest for life.
When I was 19, I found a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. So I looked for a girl with some stability.
When I was 25, I found a stable girl, but she was too boring. What i needed was a girl with some excitement.
When I was 28, I found an exciting girl, but she lacked direction and was too petty. I thought I'd be better off with a girl with some ambition.
When I was 31, I found an ambitious girl. Yeah... she was so ambitious that she married me, divorced me, and took everything I owned.
Now I am 40, and all I want is a girl with big tits!
After dinner last night my wife looked at me with those eyes of hers and sweetly asked: "Honey, is it OK if we change positions tonight?" "Sure" I replied.
"Great" She said, "You do the dishes and I'll go sit on the couch and fart!"
And that's when the fight started...
