What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball?
Gagged!
Old Dick is no dope. Here's a piece of advice you should always follow: Whenever you have a one night stand, always use protection -- a fake name and a fake number.
How is sex like credit?
It's the people who need it most who can't get any.
"Was your car ride with Grandma fun?"
"No Grampa. We didn't see any assholes, dumb bastards or shitheads."
