I have a a real problem with sex and booze...
Every time I have sex, my girlfriend boos.
What do you call a teenager who doesn't masturbate?
A liar.
I asked my wife to give me a blow job. She said "Can't you be more romantic?"
So I told her "Sure, give me a blow job... in the rain."
And that's when the fight started...
I just bought the latest sleep-number smart bed. It detects when you're screwing your wife, locks the front door and turns on the stereo so your neighbors can't hear you. My number is 69.
