Guy walks in to a bar and orders a beer. Bartender says that'll be five bucks.
The guy is outraged. "Five bucks?" he says, "Why down the street the bar only charges a buck. And with every drink you get a lottery ticket to win free sex in the back."
The bartender looks at him and asks: "Did you ever win?" The guy says: "No... but my wife won three times."
A man steps into the street and manages to grab a taxi just going by. He gets in, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Frank."
The passenger asks, "Who?" The cabbie says, "Frank Feldman. There's a guy who did everything right. Like my coming along just when you needed a cab. It would have happened like that to Frank every time."
Passenger: "Yeah. But there's always a few clouds over everybody."
Cabbie says, "Not Frank. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam in tennis. He could golf with the pros. And music? He sang like an opera baritone, danced like a Broadway star, and you should've heard him play the piano."
The passenger replies, "Sounds like he was really someone special."
Cab driver continues, "There's more... He had a mind like a computer. He could remember everybody's birthday, knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out."
Passenger: "Wow, some incredible guy"
The cabbie goes on, "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic to avoid traffic jams. Not like me... I always seem to get stuck in them all the time."
Passenger: "Mmm, there's not many like him around."
Cabbie: "And he knew how to treat a woman, how to really make her feel good. He'd never answer her back even if she was in the wrong. And his clothing was always immaculate, down to his highly polished shoes."
Passenger: "An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?"
Cabbie: "Well, I never actually met Frank."
Passenger: "Then how do you know so much about him?"
Did you ever think what a horrible life a dick has? Think about it... his roommates are nuts, his neighbor is an asshole, his best friend is a pussy, and every night his owner strangles him with one hand until he throws up!
