What do you call a guy who can sit on an ice cream cone and tell you the flavor?
A smartass!
What's the difference between love and herpes?
Love doesn't last forever.
A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel attached to his dick. The bartender looks at him and says: "Hey matey, do you know you have a steering wheel attached to your dick?"
The pirate replies: "Arrrgh... and it's driving me nuts!"
Two old ladies are sitting on the park bench feeding the pigeons. Suddenly the first one says to her friend: "Did you just fart?"
Her friend answers: "Of course I did. You think I always smell like this?"
