What do you call a guy who can sit on an ice cream cone and tell you the flavor?
A smartass!
Why'd the guy marry the Siamese twin?
So he could fuck his wife and have a girlfriend on the side.
What's the difference between a wife and a mistress?
Forty-five pounds.
My apartment is full of Valentine's cards.
I'm not some kind of stud.
I'm a lazy bastard postman.
